I know you’re probably not a fan, but…

There’s a section in the Twilight series books that is actually pretty profound (I’m hoping I didn’t just lose all credibility there.). For each new chapter as you turn the page, you see one word: the month that is passing/has passed on an otherwise blank page. So as you turn the page, all you see is – for lack of a better description – the character shutting down; shutting out the world. Silence.

It evokes a strange, muted response in the reader; to turn page after page and see only that. A sense of being alone, like one would be in the country on a gray, snowy day, where even the birds make no sound. And even if they did, the thick blanket of snow on land and tree would absorb and drown out any such insolence.

For a long time after my last post, this was my world.

 

June.

 

July.

 

August.

 

September.

 

October.

 

Until here we are, a little over one year later.

I lost that pregnancy on a rainy day in the ER. My follow up appointment with Dr. Albrecht and subsequent ultrasound showed an empty uterus. It was eventually made worse a few weeks later when we heard my stepson’s bio mom was pregnant and had been given my exact due date in January. They currently have a 5-month old little girl. I’d like to say bio mom was mature and didn’t flaunt the pregnancy or birth; however, I can’t because she wasn’t. It was not an easy go of things.

But time moves on and wounds heal. Though the scars are certainly within me, I’m no longer as lost as I was after this last miscarriage. And with healing comes hope. With hope comes looking ahead once more. Making plans. This time for my favorite month and my husband’s favorite number: September 13.

More to come.

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