Everything but the kitchen sink

‘”Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light.”

~ Dylan Thomas

I can’t give up. I won’t. And I can’t let my brain go down the path of despair. It’s not a place I like; I don’t ever want to live there again. I will not go gentle. I will rage, I will scream, and I will continue to fight against infertility.

I am back home from my second trip to Czech. This one was a complete whirlwind….I flew the evening of July 2nd and arrived July 3rd (time difference). I flew home July 5th. I went for one Grade 2, day 6 expanded blastocyst FET (frozen embryo transfer). I have to admit, I was a nervous wreck before I walked into the clinic on July 4th. I had no idea if my little em-baby would even survive the thaw process. I was literally jumping out of my skin when Dr. Hana brought me into her office at Reprofit, unsure if the news was good or bad.

It was good!! Our embryo survived! When I breathed an audible sigh of relief and confirmed that, yes, the embryo was okay, Dr. Hana just looked at me and was like, “Of course your embryo is okay. Why wouldn’t it be?” Turns out Reprofit has a thaw survival rate of something like 98%. This is thanks to two variables: 1) they only freeze strong, good quality embryos (in blastocyst stage) they think have the greatest chance of survival, and 2) they use vitrification as opposed to slow programmable freezing (SPF), allowing a much higher survival rate.

As mentioned in the title, we’ve tried a lot this cycle. Since the thrombophilia and MTHFR diagnosis, the RE’s at Reprofit put me on 40 mg Lovenox (Clexane across the pond) and 5 mg Prednisone for allergy/asthma/eczyma issues (may have a latent immune issue as a result of these conditions, which may affect successful pregnancy). I’m also on MetanX for a heavy duty folate supplement, and have continued with fish oil, calcium, prenatal, vitamin D3, Zyrtec (also for allergies), and Zoloft. I also did a Castor Oil compress on my abdomen each night for the 7 days leading up to transfer. All of this seems to have worked; my CD 13 endometrium was triple thickness and 12.3 mm. That’s the lushest my little womb room has ever been!

Anyway, back to the clinic….After a short conversation with Dr. Hana (love her, by the way), I was taken back to one of the clinic’s transfer rooms:

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Where, I swear, Dr. Hana’s skillz (higher level of competence than just skills with an “s”) came out in full force. I have an incredibly difficult cervix; it has made more than one RE/OB utter some colorful profanities under their breath when attempting to pass anything through to my uterus. She was in with minimal pain and time; actually the fastest to date (Yay Dr. Hana!!). Then my little frostie was placed. She told me it was “collapsed” still, as it had just been thawed that morning, but this was completely normal. She said that the cells were starting to pump out fluid again, expanding. The picture of my embaby is a little blurry, but I almost forgot to take a picture at all before it was off the screen and in the room.

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So that brings me to now, 5dp6dt. I told myself I wasn’t going to test, since no matter the result, there’s nothing I could do either way at this point. But, I was bolstered by the fact that I tested positive on 5dp5dt with my last transfer, and took the plunge anyway. Silly me.

It was negative this morning, hence the opening of this post. I’ve heard frosties can take a little bit longer to implant. I also know that my embryos last time around were already hatching; this little firecracker was only expanded, so a little bit behind his/her brothers. My official test date (OTD) is July 18th, a Saturday. I’ve scheduled a blood test for Monday, July 20th, but I’ll likely do one more FRER (First Response Early Result) test on the morning of the 18th. I could use a few prayers if that’s your thing, or some positive energy/well wishes if it’s not.

Now, because I don’t want to end this post on a sad or limbo-like thought, I’d like to tell you about a very good friend of mine. When we met, she was not in the best place with fertility; she had been recently diagnosed with low AMH in her late 30’s, and her husband had been through a vasectomy procedure years previously. With both own and donor egg IVF being as expensive as it is in the US, this wasn’t really a viable option. Not to mention how prohibitive the cost of both sperm extraction or a vasectomy reversal are. Like most of us, she was wondering how she would ever be able to have a baby.

She just went to Reprofit in June, a couple of weeks before I did. They decided to use double donor. And this is the picture I saw from her today:

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Sweetheart, you know who you are, and I am moved to tears for you. xxx

For everyone else….

Do not go gentle, ladies. Do not go gentle.

Keep raging.

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